Table Reads

Two men read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.
The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.

Hosted by: Patrick Duffy • Shawn McBee

Produced by: Patrick Duffy

Table Reads

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Table Reads ep. 44 - The Crow 3, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, April 11th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Happy Tuesday, Read Freaks! Today, we're bringing you part one of a new Feature; The Crow 3: Resurrection, written by the very same guy that wrote such 80s classics as 48 Hours and Die Hard... Yes, DIE HARD. 

And, as if to prove he had written those movies, this abandoned Crow sequel has every single 80s cop movie cliché in the book... right down to a forklift being involved in a shootout on the docks!

For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by Jimie Williams and, new to Table Reads, Danny Gorbachov! Sadly, Kelly could not join in on this script, but she'll be back soon.

In the meantime, enjoy The Crow 3, part one of which is one big 80s cop movie action scene. I'm not kidding. Like, the whole episode is just this one action sequence. The guy had some clichés to check off his list, what can I say? Oh, and if you haven't already: SUBSCRIBE ON YOUR PLATFORM OF CHOICE (please).


Table Reads ep. 43 - A Sweet Kid, Part 2

Released on Tuesday, April 4th 2017 @ 8:00AM

We pick up with our drug dealer with a heart of gold and his mystery woman after they've gone back to her place for some... wine. We conclude Jericho's tale and move on to talking about the origins of the project and what would have come next, before conversationally meandering all over the place.

This week's guests are Kelly Leveille and Jimie Williams. 


Table Reads ep. 42 - A Sweet Kid, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, March 28th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Taking a break from pop culture's greatest mis-fires, the gang turns to their own oeuvre, picking a script written by Jimie, based on an idea by him and Shawn. 

It centers on the kind of likable drug dealer that idiot screenwriters think exist. Smart, artistic, really concerned with the well-being of their customers... you know, REALISM. This drug dealer's world is turned upside-down when he meets a mysterious woman at a coffee shop (not a Starbucks, though). 

This is a relatively quick read, covered in just two episodes. So enjoy making fun of the first half and we'll see you next week for part two!

And, hey, don't forget to subscribe!



Table Reads ep. 41 - E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears!

Released on Tuesday, March 21st 2017 @ 8:00AM

Remember the light-hearted wonder of 1982's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial? Apparently, Stephen Spielberg didn't when, that same year, he wrote a 9 page outline for a sequel, rife with child torture, alien abduction and overtones of intergalactic race war! Oh, you think I'm joking? Then give a listen to our reading of this horrific follow-up to one of the most beloved films of all time. Guest-starring Jimie Williams!


Table Reads ep. 40 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 8 (FINALE)

Released on Tuesday, March 14th 2017 @ 7:00AM

It’s been a long road, but we’ve finally reached the end. Welcome to the last installment of our reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! As Beetlejuice’s “Juicifer” rampage continues, Lydia, along with the Beatniks (ugh), the Deetzes  and Otho try to get everyone to safety and fight to stop the dreaded Beetlejuice! But how? It’s not like the answer to stopping him was clearly established in the first film and even alluded to earlier in this one!  Be prepared for the climactic… well, no. It’s not really. Honestly, even with me telling you right now that the ending is entirely anticlimactic, you’ll still be astonished at how much of a climax it isn’t when it happens. I can even keep talking it up and it’s not spoiling a thing. It doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll never imagine just how tame it actually is. So enjoy this last part! Next week, we have a tiny one-off for you as a palate cl [...]


Table Reads ep. 39 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 7

Released on Tuesday, March 7th 2017 @ 9:52AM

THIS IS IT! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The PENULTIMATE installment of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Okay, I know you’re really waiting for it to be fucking over, but this is the only way I can get through this, so let me have it, okay? ON THE UPSIDE: Beetlejuice finally gets to… Beetle..juicing…? The Ghost with the Most unleashes his full ghostitude! We also learn that screenwriter Jonathan Gems believes Easter Island to be in Hawaii (in fact, it is over 4,400 miles away) and we get the most well-written, subtle environmental subtext that Gems can manage. The caveat there being that he is very clearly a VERY bad writer. So keep that in mind. So, without further adieu, please enjoy our 39th episoide, part seven of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian. Also, like us on Facebook, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! OR ALL THREE! FOR SOME REASON!


Table Reads ep. 38 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 6

Released on Tuesday, February 28th 2017 @ 6:00AM

Welcome back to the Deetz Paradise Resort, where you’ll find more than your typical allotment of beachgoing beatniks, fuckable cacti, and culturally ambiguous hawaiian witch doctors! This week, we tackle part 6 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian by Jonathan Gems. Or it tackles us. Because, whoof. It is rough. This week features the resolution of a love quandrangle between a goth, a ghost, an inaccurately-labeled beatnik, and a catus. Well, a tree. Named Cactus. And I want to be very clear ALL OF THAT IS REAL, I DIDN’T MAKE UP ANY OF IT. It also features, what else? A fucking surf competition. Give it a listen and see if the Fonz turns up. At this point, anything could happen. Also, please check out our redesigned site at and, special announcement, we’re now available on Stitcher AND the Google Play store! If we’re not on your favorite podcast platform, let us know and we’ [...]


Table Reads ep. 37 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 5

Released on Tuesday, February 21st 2017 @ 6:00AM

Trevor, Shawn and Kelly resume reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, in which Jonathan Gems continues to prove how little he understands any of these characters, their motivations, the basic idea of the whole concept or even the art of screenwriting.  There’s a surf competition, a lot of dancing, and a lot of utter fucking nonsense. Join us for part five of our Master Class in why this shit never became a movie.


Table Reads ep. 36 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, February 14th 2017 @ 6:00AM

It’s time to check back in with the Ghost With the Most™ as he once again is hired to perform a Bio-Exorcism of the Deetz family… but this time in Hawaii! It’s sure to be a fun— I’m lying. It’s awful. Just awful. Come join us in mocking the ever-loving fuck out of it. Guest-Starring Kelly Leveille! Also, Happy Valentine’s Day!  Please Note: This is actually, really Part 4… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 3. That is incorrect.


Table Reads ep. 35 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 3

Released on Tuesday, February 7th 2017 @ 1:39PM

This week on Table Reads, we continue our very-serious and respectful read of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian with the gravitas it truly deserves.  As Lydia struggles to overcome the burden of her tedious family, she makes friends with some beatniks, proving conclusively that the screenwriter has no idea what a beatnik is. And MAYBE Beetlejuice turns up somewhere. ou’ll have to listen to find out for sure. Please Note: This is actually, really Part 3… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 4. That is incorrect.


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Friends of Rogue Intel: The Earth Collective - Perhaps the next best thing to Firefly!

Greetings from the Rogue Intel HQ.  Duff here.  We've had Mike Troup on the Prime podcast before, but wanted to make a special mention of his podcast: The Earth Collective.

The Podcast

The Earth Collective is an epic story, told through the eyes of... read more

Episode 1

What did You guys think of Episode One?

I'm already at work on episode Two, but what do you want to see going forward?


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