Table Reads

Two assholes read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.
 
The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.

Hosted by: Shawn McBee


Table Reads

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Table Reads Ep. 59: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 5 (Finale!)

Released on Tuesday, August 1st 2017 @ 6:23PM

This is the moment you've all been waiting for: the end of the stupid James Cameron Spider-Man script from hell! It's been a long, strange trip down megalomania lane with "Professor" Octopus, A.K.A. "The Real Spider-Man" and everyone's favorite wall-crawler. 

We're not going to even discuss the batshit insanity that happens in this final installment because it must just be heard to be not believed. Needless to say, it's basically the Batman and Robin of the Spider-Man franchise, except nowhere near as good or believable. 

And remember, if you'd like to read the script on your own, all our scripts are available HERE.

Subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to adapt YOUR life into a movie!

 

Table Reads Ep. 58: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, July 25th 2017 @ 10:07AM

In this, the penultimate part of James Cameron's Spider-Man, Spidey proves himself SO BAD at maintaining his secret identity that even with a full face mask, his disguise is less convincing than Clark Kent's glasses. 

Beyond that, Liz and Aunt May have a Bechdel test-failing conversation, Plutonium turns out to be pretty easy to get your hands on, and traffic out of New York continues to be the real menace of the Big Apple.

PLEASE NOTE: We do not make any money off this podcast. But when people listen, it validates our sad, sad lives. Be a hero: SUBSCRIBE

 

Table Reads Ep. 57: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 3

Released on Monday, July 17th 2017 @ 11:35PM

As Halloween comes about at Empire State University, find out what the hot costumes are this year (1993)! Learn about J. Jonah Jameson's amazing photo reconstruction powers! Find out just how little protection a cinched robe offers against gunshots! Marvel (HA!) at Spider-Man's complete inability to mourn his departed loved ones! And finally, witness the first full-on confrontation between Doctor Octopus and the Amazing Spider-Man! All on this week's thrilling episiode of Table Reads!

Of course, when new episodes post, you want to be among the first to receive them, so don't forget to subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to write a toast for your wedding!

 

Table Reads Ep. 56: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 2

Released on Friday, July 7th 2017 @ 8:00PM

Picking up after Prof. Octavius' totally preventable lab accident, things kick into top gear as Peter finds himself tussling with the same spider that gave Ock so much grief and quickly discovering that he is a wrestler. 

Meanwhile, Doc Ock is in the hospital, unconscious... so we have to wait until the middle of the episode to hear him mutter "Okey...Dokey!" 

Also, I think Aunt May has Alzheimers. That bitch is battier than a Gotham Billionaire. Oh, and Peter is the WORST at maintaining his secret identity. So much so that I don't even feel bad calling him Peter. 

You don't want to miss the rest of this script, so subscribe! And if you want to read it yourself, you can download it for free at http://tablereadspodcast.com/scripts.html

We love you.

 

Table Reads Ep. 55: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, July 4th 2017 @ 12:22AM

James Cameron's Spider Sense tingling

In 1993, James Cameron took a pretty decent script for a Spider-Man film, gave it his magic touch and then turned in one of the worst scripts ever written! 

In this first part, we meet a demented college professor obsessed with destroying the universe... BEFORE he becomes a supervillain! We also meet Peter Parker, a hapless college student who has no luck with the ladies! Joining them are some girls, a jock, a nerdy friend, a completely unimportant spider, and some university administrators. And SOMEONE gets bitten by a Spider in a science experiment! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO! (no, really). 

If you want to be sure you don't miss a single part of this 5-part epic, subscribe to this podcast on the podcast platform of your choosing!

 

Table Reads Ep. 54: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 5 (FINALE)

Released on Monday, June 26th 2017 @ 7:20PM

It's an action-packed finale as Roger, Jessica, Richie and a calvacade of Toons take on the Nazis and try to save the Allied leaders from a nefarious plot! Will we win the war? Will Roger and Jessica live happily ever after? Will Roger ever find his real mother? HINT: All these questions have the same answer. 

We at Table Reads would like to once again give screenwriter Nat Mauldin massive kudos for such a funny, well-executed script. Our normal fare is mockery, but this script is beyond good; it is a masterwork, a great addition to the Roger Rabbit mythos with a true love of cartoon apparent in every scene. Thanks, Nat. 

If you liked this episode: don't get used to it. We're back to reading bad scripts next week! But if you like THOSE, subscribe! We're on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, etc.

 

Table Reads Ep. 53: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, June 20th 2017 @ 6:13PM

In part 4 of the too-good-not-to-have-been-made Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, our brave, ink-based heroes (and their human friends) are fully engaged in war against the Nazis, fighting for love, and up against a nefarious plot to kill the leaders of the Allied Forces! Meanwhile, Shawn and Trevor keep hoping for something to make this script bad enough to be worthy of this show, but are disappointed as it just keeps being excellent!

If you want more good scripts like this one, there's probably a podcast out there for you. But if you want a podcast where good content is a fluke, leaving the hosts to mock utter garbage on most episodes, then you should go ahead and subscribe, because that's what's on offer here!

 

Table Reads Ep. 52: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 3

Released on Tuesday, June 13th 2017 @ 9:13AM

The 52nd Episode of Table Reads marks one full year of content on our show! (Please ignore how long it took to make it to one year... time is relative). 

This Anniversary episode, we see Roger Rabbit, his friends, and all the other Toons from Toontown join in the war effort against the Nazis! That's right, THIS is the Toon Patrol of the title. Turns out, the movie isn't just about the weasels in Judge Doom's employ. Sort of a confusing subtitle to use for this particular prequel, huh?

Only here on this podcast, find out why the US Military considers Toons to be the ultimate secret weapon in the war against fascism! And find out how well that works out for them (spoiler: exactly as well as you think).

And remember to click subscribe to make sure you always get new episodes in your podcaster of choice! 

 

Table Reads Ep. 51: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 2

Released on Tuesday, May 30th 2017 @ 3:12PM

Continuing onto part two of the not-at-all-terrible-but-inappropriately-named Roger Rabbit prequel, Roger Rabbit 2, Roger and Richie become roommates and jump into the bustling Hollywood dating pool. There are acting auditions, chases involving angry military men and, of course, an ominous portent of Pearl Harbor!

And the best part is, it's actually funny! Like, intentionally! (don't get used to it)

Join in the fun with Roger and the gang, subscribe if you'd like the content as soon as it posts and don't forget to check out the rest of the great podcasts on rogueintel.com!

 

Table Reads Ep. 50: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, May 23rd 2017 @ 10:51AM

In honor of Table Reads reaching 50 episodes, we have a special treat that breaks tradition: A legitimately GOOD script! 
That's right, the aborted prequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, it turns out, is a genuinely good, fun read. But it's our special treat to you and not just an accident because we don't read these things in advance, no sir.

Why it's still called "Roger Rabbit 2" when it's a prequel is anyone's guess, and we've yet to meet any Toon Patrol, but this script shows Roger's humble roots in Kansas, the quest that brings him to Los Angeles, and his fateful meeting with a certain girl named Jessica...

And that's just in part one! As lifelong fans of Roger, we can't wait to see what the rest of the script brings, especially if it's half as good as this part. 

It's kinda messing up our show by being so good, but we can't help but enjoy it anyway.

So give it a listen and don't forget to subscribe!Roger Rabbit

 

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Friends of Rogue Intel: The Earth Collective - Perhaps the next best thing to Firefly!

Greetings from the Rogue Intel HQ.  Duff here.  We've had Mike Troup on the Prime podcast before, but wanted to make a special mention of his podcast: The Earth Collective.

The Podcast

The Earth Collective is an epic story, told through the eyes of... read more

Episode 1

What did You guys think of Episode One?

I'm already at work on episode Two, but what do you want to see going forward?

 

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