Table Reads

Two assholes read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.
 
The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.

Hosted by: Trevor Thompson • Shawn McBee

Produced by: Trevor Thompson


Table Reads

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Table Reads ep. 40 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 8 (FINALE)

Released on Tuesday, March 14th 2017 @ 7:00AM

It’s been a long road, but we’ve finally reached the end. Welcome to the last installment of our reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! As Beetlejuice’s “Juicifer” rampage continues, Lydia, along with the Beatniks (ugh), the Deetzes  and Otho try to get everyone to safety and fight to stop the dreaded Beetlejuice! But how? It’s not like the answer to stopping him was clearly established in the first film and even alluded to earlier in this one!  Be prepared for the climactic… well, no. It’s not really. Honestly, even with me telling you right now that the ending is entirely anticlimactic, you’ll still be astonished at how much of a climax it isn’t when it happens. I can even keep talking it up and it’s not spoiling a thing. It doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll never imagine just how tame it actually is. So enjoy this last part! Next week, we have a tiny one-off for you as a palate cl [...]

 

Table Reads ep. 39 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 7

Released on Tuesday, March 7th 2017 @ 9:52AM

THIS IS IT! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The PENULTIMATE installment of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Okay, I know you’re really waiting for it to be fucking over, but this is the only way I can get through this, so let me have it, okay? ON THE UPSIDE: Beetlejuice finally gets to… Beetle..juicing…? The Ghost with the Most unleashes his full ghostitude! We also learn that screenwriter Jonathan Gems believes Easter Island to be in Hawaii (in fact, it is over 4,400 miles away) and we get the most well-written, subtle environmental subtext that Gems can manage. The caveat there being that he is very clearly a VERY bad writer. So keep that in mind. So, without further adieu, please enjoy our 39th episoide, part seven of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian. Also, like us on Facebook, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! OR ALL THREE! FOR SOME REASON!

 

Table Reads ep. 38 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 6

Released on Tuesday, February 28th 2017 @ 6:00AM

Welcome back to the Deetz Paradise Resort, where you’ll find more than your typical allotment of beachgoing beatniks, fuckable cacti, and culturally ambiguous hawaiian witch doctors! This week, we tackle part 6 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian by Jonathan Gems. Or it tackles us. Because, whoof. It is rough. This week features the resolution of a love quandrangle between a goth, a ghost, an inaccurately-labeled beatnik, and a catus. Well, a tree. Named Cactus. And I want to be very clear ALL OF THAT IS REAL, I DIDN’T MAKE UP ANY OF IT. It also features, what else? A fucking surf competition. Give it a listen and see if the Fonz turns up. At this point, anything could happen. Also, please check out our redesigned site at www.tablereadspodcast.com and, special announcement, we’re now available on Stitcher AND the Google Play store! If we’re not on your favorite podcast platform, let us know and we’ [...]

 

Table Reads ep. 37 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 5

Released on Tuesday, February 21st 2017 @ 6:00AM

Trevor, Shawn and Kelly resume reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, in which Jonathan Gems continues to prove how little he understands any of these characters, their motivations, the basic idea of the whole concept or even the art of screenwriting.  There’s a surf competition, a lot of dancing, and a lot of utter fucking nonsense. Join us for part five of our Master Class in why this shit never became a movie.

 

Table Reads ep. 36 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, February 14th 2017 @ 6:00AM

It’s time to check back in with the Ghost With the Most™ as he once again is hired to perform a Bio-Exorcism of the Deetz family… but this time in Hawaii! It’s sure to be a fun— I’m lying. It’s awful. Just awful. Come join us in mocking the ever-loving fuck out of it. Guest-Starring Kelly Leveille! Also, Happy Valentine’s Day!  Please Note: This is actually, really Part 4… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 3. That is incorrect.

 

Table Reads ep. 35 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 3

Released on Tuesday, February 7th 2017 @ 1:39PM

This week on Table Reads, we continue our very-serious and respectful read of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian with the gravitas it truly deserves.  As Lydia struggles to overcome the burden of her tedious family, she makes friends with some beatniks, proving conclusively that the screenwriter has no idea what a beatnik is. And MAYBE Beetlejuice turns up somewhere. ou’ll have to listen to find out for sure. Please Note: This is actually, really Part 3… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 4. That is incorrect.

 

Table Reads ep. 34 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 2

Released on Tuesday, January 31st 2017 @ 9:23AM

The Ghost with the Most is Back! …ish. Join us for Part 2 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian and learn what happens when the baddest Bio-exprcist to ever tame a sand worm visits a tropical paradise!  That is, if the script can move the story along that far. With special guest, Kelly Levielle!

 

Table Reads ep. 33 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 1

Released on Wednesday, January 25th 2017 @ 12:14PM

Okay, we promised you a new original script this week, but things didn’t work out with scheduling. So, instead, we bring you one we have been ITCHING to do! That’s right, the never-to-be sequel: Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Really, the title says it all.  For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by real human girl, Kelly Leveille (no more terrible falsettos!). Come marvel at the amazingly poor writing of Jonathan Gems, screenwriter for Mars Attacks.

 

Table Reads Ep. 32 - Streets of Amber SPEED READ!

Released on Tuesday, January 17th 2017 @ 6:00AM

The last Speed Read for a while (barring some unforeseen issue), we present to you what would have been a touching and thought-proving piece of drivel, had it ever been completed. This is another unfinished script by Shawn, who once again proves that he’s better than Trevor at totally failing to finish a script! Also, it was Shawn’s birthday two days ago! What do you mean, you forgot to get him a present? All he wanted was for you to SUBSCRIBE! Better do it now. Better late than never.

 

Table Reads Ep. 31 - Speaking of Quinn SPEED READ!

Released on Tuesday, January 10th 2017 @ 6:00AM

As we work diligently to get more full episodes ready for your voracious consumption, this week we’re bringing you another Speed Read… this time, it’s a script written by Shawn. Rather, it’s a script that Shawn got an entire PAGE into before abandoning. And boy, is it douchey! But don’t take our word for it, give it a listen! We’ll probably have one more Speed Read next week before resuming regular episodes, so be sure to subscribe so you can get them as soon as they post!

 

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