Table Reads

Two assholes read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.
 
The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.

Hosted by: Trevor Thompson • Shawn McBee

Produced by: Trevor Thompson


Table Reads

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Table Reads ep. 48 - The Crow 3, Part 5

Released on Tuesday, May 9th 2017 @ 1:30AM

Kato and his partner Sarah are finally reunited, but Kato is promptly taken away by men in white coats because no one believes that he's part of a secret government agency under the direct purview of the president. 

Also, Lacking a Danny or a Kelly for the girl roles, Shawn attempts to read Sarah as Jim Gaffigan's "audience thought" voice for the entire script. 

Will Kato convince his partner that he's a super secret agent? Will we ever see some Crow-style makeup? Will this script ever begin to make any amount of sense?? To find out, Listen and Subscribe!!

 

Table Reads ep. 47 - The Crow 3, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, May 2nd 2017 @ 8:29AM

We're a little late posting this morning because, while everyone was worried about a writer's strike causing a stoppage of quality content, WE were up all night following the news because we were worried we'd lose the awful garbage that keeps us sustained. 

Speaking of which: It's time for part 4 of The Crow 3: Resurrection! Now that our hero has finally started some post-near-death badassery (aka, dick-ripping), surely this script will get into more familiar Crow territory and become the neo-gothic, angsty action vengeance flick we've been waiting for, right? Right? 

Spoiler: No.

Once again, Trevor and Shawn are joined on this adventure by their old friend Jimie Williams (seriously, he has grandkids). Unfortunately, Danny had a scheduling conflict and was unable to join us, so we all had to split the voicing duties to his characters. Needless to say, we wish he'd been there.

Oh, and hey, if you're listening to this on a platform with some sort of button that says something along the lines of "Subscribe," go ahead and click that button. See what it does. I've always been curious.

 

Table Reads ep. 46 - The Crow 3, part 3

Released on Tuesday, April 25th 2017 @ 1:30AM

The Crow 3: Die Hard and then Come Back for Revenge continues onto part three! Kato, still in a drooly, catatonic state, drools some more! The bad guys have a bad drug and a mysterious creature in a mysterious box! There are JUNKIES! And a mean HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR! 

Will our hero manage to persevere over all these odds? Does he have enough drool to save himself and the ones he loves? Does anything remotely Crow-like even happen in this Crow Sequel? 

LISTEN AND FIND OUT! THEN SUBSCRIBE!

 

Table Reads ep. 45 - The Crow 3, part 2

Released on Tuesday, April 18th 2017 @ 9:00AM

In honor of Easter, which was mere days ago, we continue reading The Crow 3: Resurrection (because, get it, Easter... Resurrection..?)!

 

In Part 2, things pick up! There's more than one scene, for one thing... That's right, there are wedding bells, interrupted by gunfire -- because why not keep checking off the cliches?? -- the events that will lead to our hero becoming the Crow finally come to pass... but apparently, that Crow is taking a long goddamn time to make its way to him. 

 

This episode features Jimie Williams and Danny Gorbachov helping to round out the cast and take some of the load off of Trevor and Shawn. Enjoy! And don't forget to subscribe!

 

Table Reads ep. 44 - The Crow 3, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, April 11th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Happy Tuesday, Read Freaks! Today, we're bringing you part one of a new Feature; The Crow 3: Resurrection, written by the very same guy that wrote such 80s classics as 48 Hours and Die Hard... Yes, DIE HARD. 

And, as if to prove he had written those movies, this abandoned Crow sequel has every single 80s cop movie cliché in the book... right down to a forklift being involved in a shootout on the docks!

For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by Jimie Williams and, new to Table Reads, Danny Gorbachov! Sadly, Kelly could not join in on this script, but she'll be back soon.

In the meantime, enjoy The Crow 3, part one of which is one big 80s cop movie action scene. I'm not kidding. Like, the whole episode is just this one action sequence. The guy had some clichés to check off his list, what can I say? Oh, and if you haven't already: SUBSCRIBE ON YOUR PLATFORM OF CHOICE (please).

 

Table Reads ep. 43 - A Sweet Kid, Part 2

Released on Tuesday, April 4th 2017 @ 8:00AM

We pick up with our drug dealer with a heart of gold and his mystery woman after they've gone back to her place for some... wine. We conclude Jericho's tale and move on to talking about the origins of the project and what would have come next, before conversationally meandering all over the place.

This week's guests are Kelly Leveille and Jimie Williams. 

 

Table Reads ep. 42 - A Sweet Kid, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, March 28th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Taking a break from pop culture's greatest mis-fires, the gang turns to their own oeuvre, picking a script written by Jimie, based on an idea by him and Shawn. 

It centers on the kind of likable drug dealer that idiot screenwriters think exist. Smart, artistic, really concerned with the well-being of their customers... you know, REALISM. This drug dealer's world is turned upside-down when he meets a mysterious woman at a coffee shop (not a Starbucks, though). 

This is a relatively quick read, covered in just two episodes. So enjoy making fun of the first half and we'll see you next week for part two!

And, hey, don't forget to subscribe!

 

 

Table Reads ep. 41 - E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears!

Released on Tuesday, March 21st 2017 @ 8:00AM

Remember the light-hearted wonder of 1982's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial? Apparently, Stephen Spielberg didn't when, that same year, he wrote a 9 page outline for a sequel, rife with child torture, alien abduction and overtones of intergalactic race war! Oh, you think I'm joking? Then give a listen to our reading of this horrific follow-up to one of the most beloved films of all time. Guest-starring Jimie Williams!

 

Table Reads ep. 40 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 8 (FINALE)

Released on Tuesday, March 14th 2017 @ 7:00AM

It’s been a long road, but we’ve finally reached the end. Welcome to the last installment of our reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! As Beetlejuice’s “Juicifer” rampage continues, Lydia, along with the Beatniks (ugh), the Deetzes  and Otho try to get everyone to safety and fight to stop the dreaded Beetlejuice! But how? It’s not like the answer to stopping him was clearly established in the first film and even alluded to earlier in this one!  Be prepared for the climactic… well, no. It’s not really. Honestly, even with me telling you right now that the ending is entirely anticlimactic, you’ll still be astonished at how much of a climax it isn’t when it happens. I can even keep talking it up and it’s not spoiling a thing. It doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll never imagine just how tame it actually is. So enjoy this last part! Next week, we have a tiny one-off for you as a palate cl [...]

 

Table Reads ep. 39 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 7

Released on Tuesday, March 7th 2017 @ 9:52AM

THIS IS IT! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The PENULTIMATE installment of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Okay, I know you’re really waiting for it to be fucking over, but this is the only way I can get through this, so let me have it, okay? ON THE UPSIDE: Beetlejuice finally gets to… Beetle..juicing…? The Ghost with the Most unleashes his full ghostitude! We also learn that screenwriter Jonathan Gems believes Easter Island to be in Hawaii (in fact, it is over 4,400 miles away) and we get the most well-written, subtle environmental subtext that Gems can manage. The caveat there being that he is very clearly a VERY bad writer. So keep that in mind. So, without further adieu, please enjoy our 39th episoide, part seven of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian. Also, like us on Facebook, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! OR ALL THREE! FOR SOME REASON!

 

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Friends of Rogue Intel: The Earth Collective - Perhaps the next best thing to Firefly!

Greetings from the Rogue Intel HQ.  Duff here.  We've had Mike Troup on the Prime podcast before, but wanted to make a special mention of his podcast: The Earth Collective.

The Podcast

The Earth Collective is an epic story, told through the eyes of... read more

Episode 1

What did You guys think of Episode One?

I'm already at work on episode Two, but what do you want to see going forward?

 

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