Table Reads

Two assholes read screenplays that never made it to the big screen. Some of these screenplays were works by these two and some are professional works that just never made it.
 
The one unifying characteristic of all of these scripts is that they're BAD. As such, this podcast is about more than just reading scripts, these two brave microphone jockeys also tirelessly mock the things they read, often with the help of their friends.

Hosted by: Trevor Thompson • Shawn McBee

Produced by: Trevor Thompson


Table Reads

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Table Reads Ep. 50: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, May 23rd 2017 @ 10:51AM

In honor of Table Reads reaching 50 episodes, we have a special treat that breaks tradition: A legitimately GOOD script! 
That's right, the aborted prequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, it turns out, is a genuinely good, fun read. But it's our special treat to you and not just an accident because we don't read these things in advance, no sir.

Why it's still called "Roger Rabbit 2" when it's a prequel is anyone's guess, and we've yet to meet any Toon Patrol, but this script shows Roger's humble roots in Kansas, the quest that brings him to Los Angeles, and his fateful meeting with a certain girl named Jessica...

And that's just in part one! As lifelong fans of Roger, we can't wait to see what the rest of the script brings, especially if it's half as good as this part. 

It's kinda messing up our show by being so good, but we can't help but enjoy it anyway.

So give it a listen and don't forget to subscribe!Roger Rabbit

 

Table Reads ep. 49 - The Crow 3, part 6 (Finale)

Released on Tuesday, May 16th 2017 @ 2:50AM

It's the shocking finale of The Crow 3: Resurrection (of the 80s)! That's right, the late-90s homage to the best of 80s Cop Action Flicks Wrapped in a Crow Premise finally wraps up as we discover the secret of the bad guy's plot, establish The Crow in the familiar face-painted guise we're familiar with and find out what the hell the creature in that box is! 

HAHA, JUST KIDDING. Literally none of those things happen (Spoiler). All that we really learn is that you can cobble together a sequel to a movie that you don't understand, fill it with tropes and clichés from a dated and dead genre and ignore any semblance of a coherent story and 25 years later, some assholes will mock it on a podcast! 

We truly hope you enjoy this last part of The Crow 3: Die Really Hard. Do yourself a solid and subscribe! And if we're not available to subscribe to on your favorite platform, send us an email at shout@tablereadspodcast.com and we'll make it happen.

You can also follow us on Twitter: @TheTableReads

 

Table Reads ep. 48 - The Crow 3, Part 5

Released on Tuesday, May 9th 2017 @ 1:30AM

Kato and his partner Sarah are finally reunited, but Kato is promptly taken away by men in white coats because no one believes that he's part of a secret government agency under the direct purview of the president. 

Also, Lacking a Danny or a Kelly for the girl roles, Shawn attempts to read Sarah as Jim Gaffigan's "audience thought" voice for the entire script. 

Will Kato convince his partner that he's a super secret agent? Will we ever see some Crow-style makeup? Will this script ever begin to make any amount of sense?? To find out, Listen and Subscribe!!

 

Table Reads ep. 47 - The Crow 3, Part 4

Released on Tuesday, May 2nd 2017 @ 8:29AM

We're a little late posting this morning because, while everyone was worried about a writer's strike causing a stoppage of quality content, WE were up all night following the news because we were worried we'd lose the awful garbage that keeps us sustained. 

Speaking of which: It's time for part 4 of The Crow 3: Resurrection! Now that our hero has finally started some post-near-death badassery (aka, dick-ripping), surely this script will get into more familiar Crow territory and become the neo-gothic, angsty action vengeance flick we've been waiting for, right? Right? 

Spoiler: No.

Once again, Trevor and Shawn are joined on this adventure by their old friend Jimie Williams (seriously, he has grandkids). Unfortunately, Danny had a scheduling conflict and was unable to join us, so we all had to split the voicing duties to his characters. Needless to say, we wish he'd been there.

Oh, and hey, if you're listening to this on a platform with some sort of button that says something along the lines of "Subscribe," go ahead and click that button. See what it does. I've always been curious.

 

Table Reads ep. 46 - The Crow 3, part 3

Released on Tuesday, April 25th 2017 @ 1:30AM

The Crow 3: Die Hard and then Come Back for Revenge continues onto part three! Kato, still in a drooly, catatonic state, drools some more! The bad guys have a bad drug and a mysterious creature in a mysterious box! There are JUNKIES! And a mean HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR! 

Will our hero manage to persevere over all these odds? Does he have enough drool to save himself and the ones he loves? Does anything remotely Crow-like even happen in this Crow Sequel? 

LISTEN AND FIND OUT! THEN SUBSCRIBE!

 

Table Reads ep. 45 - The Crow 3, part 2

Released on Tuesday, April 18th 2017 @ 9:00AM

In honor of Easter, which was mere days ago, we continue reading The Crow 3: Resurrection (because, get it, Easter... Resurrection..?)!

 

In Part 2, things pick up! There's more than one scene, for one thing... That's right, there are wedding bells, interrupted by gunfire -- because why not keep checking off the cliches?? -- the events that will lead to our hero becoming the Crow finally come to pass... but apparently, that Crow is taking a long goddamn time to make its way to him. 

 

This episode features Jimie Williams and Danny Gorbachov helping to round out the cast and take some of the load off of Trevor and Shawn. Enjoy! And don't forget to subscribe!

 

Table Reads ep. 44 - The Crow 3, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, April 11th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Happy Tuesday, Read Freaks! Today, we're bringing you part one of a new Feature; The Crow 3: Resurrection, written by the very same guy that wrote such 80s classics as 48 Hours and Die Hard... Yes, DIE HARD. 

And, as if to prove he had written those movies, this abandoned Crow sequel has every single 80s cop movie cliché in the book... right down to a forklift being involved in a shootout on the docks!

For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by Jimie Williams and, new to Table Reads, Danny Gorbachov! Sadly, Kelly could not join in on this script, but she'll be back soon.

In the meantime, enjoy The Crow 3, part one of which is one big 80s cop movie action scene. I'm not kidding. Like, the whole episode is just this one action sequence. The guy had some clichés to check off his list, what can I say? Oh, and if you haven't already: SUBSCRIBE ON YOUR PLATFORM OF CHOICE (please).

 

Table Reads ep. 43 - A Sweet Kid, Part 2

Released on Tuesday, April 4th 2017 @ 8:00AM

We pick up with our drug dealer with a heart of gold and his mystery woman after they've gone back to her place for some... wine. We conclude Jericho's tale and move on to talking about the origins of the project and what would have come next, before conversationally meandering all over the place.

This week's guests are Kelly Leveille and Jimie Williams. 

 

Table Reads ep. 42 - A Sweet Kid, Part 1

Released on Tuesday, March 28th 2017 @ 8:00AM

Taking a break from pop culture's greatest mis-fires, the gang turns to their own oeuvre, picking a script written by Jimie, based on an idea by him and Shawn. 

It centers on the kind of likable drug dealer that idiot screenwriters think exist. Smart, artistic, really concerned with the well-being of their customers... you know, REALISM. This drug dealer's world is turned upside-down when he meets a mysterious woman at a coffee shop (not a Starbucks, though). 

This is a relatively quick read, covered in just two episodes. So enjoy making fun of the first half and we'll see you next week for part two!

And, hey, don't forget to subscribe!

 

 

Table Reads ep. 41 - E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears!

Released on Tuesday, March 21st 2017 @ 8:00AM

Remember the light-hearted wonder of 1982's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial? Apparently, Stephen Spielberg didn't when, that same year, he wrote a 9 page outline for a sequel, rife with child torture, alien abduction and overtones of intergalactic race war! Oh, you think I'm joking? Then give a listen to our reading of this horrific follow-up to one of the most beloved films of all time. Guest-starring Jimie Williams!

 

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